Artists who are mothers often live with the tension created by two loud opposing voices: One voice tells them to be completely present in their children's lives because these children's physical and mental health depends on it. This voice says that they ought to be "light" and pleasant because their young babies pick up on sad or expressionless faces which, in turn, affects their ability to attach in a healthy way; that, they, along with other primary caretakers, are mostly responsible for how their kids will turn out. This voice tells artists who are mothers that they ought to teach, entertain, nurture, protect, pay constant attention in order to anticipate and prevent dangers, be involved and interested, and surrender to the needs of their highly distractible, unpredictable, and helpless little ones.

​The other voice tells artists who are mothers that they need to turn inwards, to remove themselves from the external world, in order to reach meditative flow-like moments of creation. This voice instructs them to reflect deeply on their experiences, and to feel their feelings--as disturbing as they may be--so that such feelings find healing and catharsis through their art. This voice reminds them that they need space, physical, cognitive, and emotional, so that they can overcome creative blocks by letting their thoughts wander freely. Artists who are mothers hear a voice that demands introspection, authenticity, ample time in the studio or at a desk; this voice demands permission for self-centeredness. 
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In my work with creative mothers I have seen this tension give rise to anxiety about satisfying expectations, guilt about failing to be everywhere, FOMO (fear of missing out) when comparing themselves to others' achievements, and disappointment from seeing creative goals remain unfulfilled.

It takes a lot to unravel this topic during psychotherapy session. Creative mothers and I look into the messages they've internalized about the roles that come with motherhood; we consider mothers' relationships with their own mothers or other primary caretakers; we think about psychological obstacles to prioritizing creative work, and we factor the importance of having access to helpful external resources.

These following themes, which seem to be helpful discussion points, almost always come up.

1. Children do not have to suffer from their mothers' dedication to creative work. In fact, they are likely to find positive role models in their loving parent who is valuing her worth and realizing her creative potential. 
2. Mothers can ease into the idea that other caretakers (spouses, extended family, and so on) are equally important for children's upbringing, and that it's ok to embrace the "it takes a village" idea.
3. Motherhood has the potential to improve creative mothers' work. It's likely to lead to more productive and focused work sessions, it might add to the breadth and depth of emotions that get expressed during art, and allow less time for ruminating over failures and disappointments.


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This is the 1st of a series of case studies used to demonstrate what happens during a mental health counseling session with artists and creative individuals. All clients are an amalgamation of similar cases to protect client's confidentiality. 

 A couple of weeks ago I was chatting with an actor who had just returned from another audition.
"This is the 3rd audition I've gone to this week", he said. "Last week I went to two and I have three more scheduled for next week." I wondered whether feeling confident about the outcome helps keep him motivated to go to so many audition. He quickly responded by saying: "Confident? I go in knowing that it's a gamble and the odds are against me. If anything, I feel very uncertain." 
So, what was it then? What was helping him survive audition burn out, a problem that affects many actors and performers who get to the point of having to painfully force themselves to leave the house? For this actor the key concept was LIFE BALANCE.

Maintaining a balanced life with many sources of satisfaction is what keeps a steady stream of energy and motivation going. Auditioning can be an exhausting process. One that requires high levels of optimism, dedication, persistence, resilience and the colloquial "thick skin." The tendency is often for those going to auditions to either become completely consumed by the process (living and breathing auditions which often results in hight anxiety) or to skip them altogether as a way of avoiding rejections (resulting in low audition success and feelings of depression).

A happy medium can be achieved by making sure one does not solely rely on audition callbacks for creative expression and overall emotional well-being. For example, a healthy balance can be achieved by planning ahead and scheduling social interactions, physical activity and non audition-related hobbies the week of the audition. For actors, taking a painting or tap dance class in addition to the preparation for acting auditions is another example of how to vary sources of artistic engagement without exclusively depending on audition outcome for this type of satisfaction. The actor discussed above was also in a funk band, tried to go on day excursions every month and attended fellow artist friends' shows and events. 

When the artists I work with and I discuss this, I can usually detect some low grade defensiveness. "I don't have the time" and "I need auditions to make money to be able to afford doing other things" are two common responses. These are valid and understandable considerations. However, after seeing the big picture and long term benefits of working towards a life balance, it has become increasingly evident that spending some time on other types of activities helps with the overall attitude towards auditioning. The right kind of attitude helps preserve a health long-lasting relationship with auditioning, therefore maintaining it is a worthy investment.  

The highly competitive nature of the entertainment industry can frequently bring out jealousy and envy even to those who are typically unfamiliar with such feelings. Though these feelings are common and normal, especially in a field where there is a so much pressure to stand out during auditions and get more industry attention, they can also be a major problem in the artist's world because they can:

1. Interfere with healthy and creative collaboration - I once worked with a singer who would not go to other performers' shows in order to avoid feelings of jealousy towards them. This, of course, interfered with her ability to make helpful connections and establish relationships that would be beneficial for her creativity and professional networking. 
2. Lead to destructive comparisons - Jealousy and envy hinder creativity in that they cause the artist to compare their work and achievements to others'. Thinking in terms of what others are doing and how they are doing it significantly limits the person's sense of creative freedom during the creative process.
3. Cause significant distress and low self-worth - It is important not to see oneself as a point of comparison but as a unique entity whose worth does not waver despite flaws and weaknesses.  Jealousy and envy significantly threaten the person's sense of self-worth and create a cognitively distorted way of thinking i.e. "everything they do is great because they are perfect and loved by everyone"

So how can one cope with such feelings?

1. Ask yourself if these feelings are about you and not about the other person. Sometimes it seems as though we are envious of a particular trait or accomplishment in someone else, but many times this feeling is triggered by a preexisting sense of inadequacy and sensitivity. This relieves the pressure and preoccupation with the other person and shifts the attention onto the self. Though this can be a difficult process, it can also be empowering as it recognizes the personal responsibility in dealing with the feelings. 
2. Explore what purpose such feelings serve? A positive function served by jealousy and envy is that it's our chance to ask ourselves what is not working for us: in the we are living our lives, expressing our art, performing etc. Perhaps the jealousy tells us that we, too, have a passion for a particular mode of artistic expression or that we need to work harder at mastering a certain skill. Sometimes, the answer can be confidence-boosting in that the artist's gets to recognize that, in fact, they are pleased with their choices and it's just a matter of "grass is greener" type of thinking. 
3. Identify and challenge any black or white ways of thinking. Just because it seems like someone else effortlessly achieved something does not mean that this is the case. It may appear that following their path would bring you joy when, in fact, finding yourself in the other person's shoes might have triggered similar, if not more, feelings of overall life dissatisfaction.  
4. Finally, allow yourself some time to feel and, perhaps, mourn the loss of what has not been achieved or acquired. Losing a spot to someone else, not advancing in a competition, having fewer performance opportunities etc., can feel like a sort of loss. If the person's choices and opportunities, regarding ultimately achieving desired goals, are limited, then coming to terms with and accepting what one doesn't have (but perhaps others do) is a psychologically self-actualizing process. 

Social anxiety and performing. Can they coexist? The short answer is: yes.

Here's the long answer: Social anxiety and performance anxiety (stage fright) are in the same family of emotional and somatic experiences involving the preoccupation with how one is being perceived by others, heightened fear of being humiliated and a series of physical symptoms such as dizziness, shakiness, rapid heartbeat, sweatiness and overall discomfort. In most cases, performance anxiety does not require the existence of social anxiety. It is very common for people to struggle with tension and anxiety when they have to make a public appearance but they can be very comfortable in other types of social settings, completely undisturbed by such feelings.  
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It is also possible to have social anxiety disorder without having it interfere with the experience and quality of a performance. Many performers, those who often transform into bursting energies of confidence, experience this type of anxiety before and after the performance, when they are often expected to interact with audience members and people from the entertainment industry.  Throughout the duration of a performance, a performer may feel more secure, present and comfortable being the center of others' attention. As soon as the performance is over, the same person may begin to feel a sense of pressure stemming from increased expectations, negative thoughts about how they are perceived and discomfort associated with social anxiety. It is a common paradox experienced by many performers. 

The key to managing social anxiety during a performance is to bring attention to the performer identity. Performers take on a different persona when on stage. They embody the stage character and this parallel identity often becomes an additional source of confidence and a safe detachment from the non-performing self. When someone already has social anxiety, they are used to feeling vulnerable in their most natural state; when they are themselves. However, the state of performing allows for the person to become someone else, or perhaps to access another version of a deeper self, and to interact with others through this temporary persona. Accentuating this antithesis can become a source of emotional safety that protects the performer from the distracting effects of the social anxiety he/she experiences as their non-performing self. 

If you pay close attention to your relationship with your art and your art-making process, you may discover telling themes about your relationship with yourself. You are with yourself all the time and, naturally, you have developed a conscious or automatic relationship with your own thoughts, reactions, feelings, behavioral patterns, mannerisms etc. You may approve, judge, attack, accept, praise, dismiss, support them and so on. 

When you are creating art, you are also developing a relationship with this raw form of self-expression. Sometimes you allow yourself to experiment without judgement, other times you might inhibit your self-expression and tell yourself you're "not good enough", and you might also begin to understand yourself better through the art content you are producing - your lyrics, your artwork, your compositions, characters in your novel etc. 
 
It's important to take a step back and acknowledge the privilege in having this window to self-knowledge and self-awareness. Just like dreams can show us many things about our subconscious, our relationship to art-making can reveal what you think and feel about yourself at any given moment. As an artist and creative person, you are able to understand that you hesitate to write the next novel because you might feel your thoughts are not worthy of being told, or that are not recording the songs you have in your head because you are constantly doubting and questioning your choices, or that you do not feel comfortable talking to promoters and agents because you don't see yourself as likable.  

However,  it is equally and maybe more important to identify the powerful effect of this parallel relationship and to understand when and how it interferes with your creative expression. Art-making may illustrate and put the spotlight on some of your internal struggles. Luckily, this can become an excellent opportunity to confront any vulnerabilities and attempt to build on the kind of relationship you want to have with your art. You probably want to respect and encourage your art-making moments, to forgive mistakes and to learn from failures. You most likely want to protect this relationship from harsh criticisms and to spend time cultivating and nurturing skills and strengths. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself, how creating art brings this out, and begin to think about the kind of relationship you want to have. 

Fears and insecurities can hold all of us back. Artists are particularly prone to this as they often engage in work that requires some risk-taking and innovation in thought and behavior. There is more fertile ground for fears and insecurities to arise which then hinder their creative and professional progress. In order to do creative work, artists have to actively confront and consciously recognize the many ways in which hesitation, apprehension and discomfort keep them from trying a new technique, writing that next chapter, setting up a show/exhibition, reaching out to a new contact etc. 

Oliver came to my office and complained of being at an impasse in his career as a sound engineer. He had made a name for himself as an established producer with excellent skills in analog recording in the 80s. He would shy away from clients requesting a digital sound and, though he knew the basics, his expertise in analog recording far surpassed his knowledge of digital production. As years went by, he developed a kind of phobic reaction to the idea of challenging himself technically and creatively. He decided that he wanted to confront his feelings and to overcome his fear of adjusting to the new world of music production. 

The overall theme in my work with Oliver was captured by the following phrase: push yourself just the right amount. The idea is that once you gain insight about what it is you are avoiding, and given that you recognize the value in overcoming this fear, it is important to set goals that will challenge you, yet will not push too much. Oliver knew that what he needed on a technical level was more than just counseling sessions. He needed training and experience with new software. However, despite knowing this on an intellectual level, he did not feel ready to face the possibility of failing at something new. This fear had little to do with the real or perceived difficulty of digital recording and a lot to do with his tendency to be very critical of himself. 

The goal of the sessions was to uncover the underlying issues and to begin a process of identifying feared situations that trigger them. For example, the first feared situation was having to learn new software programs. Oliver saw two versions: one in which he knew just the basics and one in which he was perfect at it. The first version, though emotionally comfortable, discouraged him. The second version scared him. A question we explored during a few sessions was whether there something he felt he could do that would push his comfort level just a little, but would not be a source of intolerable and intense anxiety. He reported that the one thing he could see himself doing was to watch a YouTube video with a tutorial on how to use a software program. Over the course of the next few weeks, he was still apprehensive about it and postponed beginning the video. We realized that this may still cause too much anxiety, thus eliciting avoidance on his part. We agreed to push his comfort level a little bit less by agreeing to have him watch the first 5 minutes of the video with no expectation that he ought to watch it entirely or to be ready to implement what he learned right away.  He agreed to this. 

Over then next few weeks, he was able to push his comfort level more and more until he had watched the entire video. Though far from being at the point where he would feel competent in recording and mixing using the new software, he was able to see the progress he had made compared to a few months back. We continued using the same idea of "pushing himself just the right amount" until the end of our work together. 


This approach can be used and practiced with many artists and creative individuals. With the help of a structured counseling setting it can be easier to identify the psychological roots of progress hinderance. Then, it's important to actively work towards making space for small movement toward the desired direction without tackling goals that cause more anxiety than what's tolerable. 

This question is often taken for granted and dismissed.  Its relevance becomes ignored: What motivates you? Every artist and creative person needs to take some time and think about their subjective answer. Motivation may feel like a fixed force (as if you either have it or you don't), but it is its distinct parts that ought to be identified and explored in order for the feeling of motivation to be strengthened. Connecting deeply and meaningfully to the responses to this question helps nurture and shield the artist's or creative person's relationship with their art and creative endeavor. Shield it from what? From self-doubts, a sense of emotional or cognitive detachment, from conflicting feelings about it and other motivation stoppers. 


It often helps to separate between intrinsic motivation (creating for the sake of creating) and extrinsic motivation (creating to obtain a new or separate goal). Here's a non-exhaustive list of motivating factors propelling the drive to create. It is important to note that some factors can be both intrinsic and extrinsic and that a person can derive both types from the same activity. Please feel free to add more in the comment section below:

Marianne Pillsbury's debut pop-rock musical, Depression: The Musical, is a thought-provoking and emotion-eliciting demonstration of the relationship between creativity and depression and, ultimately, such as in the case of the protagonist, of their ally-like coexistence capable of giving birth to a relatable theatrical piece.

I was lucky enough to attend the opening night which benefitted from the raw, heartfelt and emotional sincerity that comes with presenting your work in front of an audience for the first time.
What made this particularly special was that this was an autobiographical account of some of the protagonist's deeply personal experiences with depression. These experiences were communicated through a series of monologues, songs and “call and response” moments between the main character and the "committee in her head." 

The musical touched upon some very poignant topics involved in the discussion of depression: common misconceptions about the term depression and how it is tossed around in every day life, the “two steps forward, one step back” process which is characteristic of the treatment for depression, the complexities of understanding the causes (Is there a genetic component? Is parental dismissiveness of our thoughts and feelings a factor? Is it the stressors associated with a fast-paced metropolitan city?)

Finally, in what seemed to be an “art imitates life” approach, the musical chronicled the protagonist's creative process as she went through fluctuating levels of motivation and commitment to the completion of the script and the music for her 1st theatrical musical performance.

“Depression:  The Musical” made me think of the winding journey of creativity, especially when it is shaped by energy-sucking bouts of depression. What might begin as a deeply rooted need to manifest an inner conflict can become a meaningful drive to document (often at the validating presence of an audience) one's experiences. The pressure of completion, complicated by the distorting effect of a depressed outlook, can give rise to great ambivalence regarding one's ability to keep going and even the worthiness of the creative work itself.

What begins with and, hopefully, comes full circle to a cathartic experience is often interrupted by low motivation, hopelessness, insecurities and self-doubt. It is when the authenticity of the need for catharsis leads the way, that one can find and sustain their voice. In the case of Marianne Pillsbury, her voice found an outlet through well-written songs such as "Medicated" and "The Boo Hoo Blues." In the play, and hopefully in real life, Marianne achieved therapeutic healing and succeeded in sharing with the audience a very touching expression of creativity both in spite of and because of her experiences with depression.